What I mean by hustle isn't scam or swindle, but rather a way to earn money during the stop gaps of my 'real' career. 
I've always been a hustler. One early childhood memory I have is standing on my front porch trying to sell grapes I cut in half for a nickel. 
My mom asked "Why would anyone pay you a nickel for a half a grape?" I said "Because I cut them." I didn't sell a single one.

Or how in college when I stole borrowed the ID scanner from the bouncer at our local bar, and would sit outside of house parties checking IDs and charging cover. 

Or when I worked on a farm in New Jersey doing landscaping for a summer while I was waiting for my Visa to get sorted. 

Or the fact that I worked two jobs pretty much all of my twenties, a day job in the hotel as a sales manager and in the evening bartending or waiting tables, so I could make enough money to go on monthly trips. 

My career path has been anything but conventional and because of that I tend to always feel like the job or project I currently am working on is only temporary, a means to an end. 

This is not a great outlook to have, for many reasons. 

Which brings me to Cocktails By Mail. I want to make a clear distinction, there's never been a time I haven't taken Cocktails By Mail seriously. I don't want you to think that because I have a hard time looking long term with Cocktails By Mail, it means I took short cuts. I have not. I always take whatever task or job I am doing with the utmost serisousness, with intention, purpose, and thoughtfulness. But thinking that Cocktails By Mail could be a long term viable business is another story. 

I've gone through three phases:

1. New business just starting, super excited, boy I hope it goes well and is successful! (October -November 2020)
2. Holy shit, this is going really well, way more than I thought, this can't be real, it must just because of lockdown this is going to all fall out the bottom soon, it can't last, this isn't a long term business. (December 2020 - February 2021)
3. Ok, this can be is a long term business, cocktails at home are here to stay, and Cocktails By Mail offers a unique proposition being eco-friendly and plastic free. (March 2021-present)

It's not been easy to get to stage three. I have had some serious melt downs, and really self-destructive thoughts. BUT in the past few weeks I've been speaking to a really good friend who also happens to be an AMAZING life coach, another fellow founder, and of course, my husband who helped me realise that YES, Cocktails By Mail is a legitimate thing with long term viability.

There are several other at-home cocktail companies that have been invested in by big corporations. Understanding that these big companies think cocktails at home are worth investing, and will go much further than lockdown definitely has helped me change my thought process away from hustle to long term planning. I am no longer looking two-weeks ahead, I am starting to think what can we do months ahead. 

This is all been a huge rollercoaster of momentum in just 4 months. But it's exciting, nerve-wracking, and scary. But I have to give it a go, or I will live in the temporary. I have to start believing in myself that I have created a legitimate business (don't worry it always was, Companies House number 102043471) 

I will still always be hustlin', just now on a 3-6 month planning cycle. 

*Photo of me playing softball, because apparently I have 0 photos of me working anywhere!